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Joke Categories
Categories are in bold. Click (R) to generate a random joke from that category.
638 jokes and counting

• Animal (43) (R)
• Arabic (4) (R)
• Atheist (6) (R)
• Aviation (15) (R)
• Bar (16) (R)
• Barber (1) (R)
• Baseball (6) (R)
• Birthday (1) (R)
• Blind (6) (R)
• Blonde (88) (R)
• Canadian (3) (R)
• Celebrity (1) (R)
• Cheating (22) (R)
• Chicken (4) (R)
• Children (10) (R)
• College (11) (R)
• Computer (13) (R)
• Construction (2) (R)
• Crime (5) (R)
• Dating (4) (R)
• Death (20) (R)
• Drug (8) (R)
• Drunk (6) (R)
• Farmer (6) (R)
• Fishing (16) (R)
• Food (18) (R)
• Funeral (2) (R)
• Gender (5) (R)
• Genie (3) (R)
• Golf (15) (R)
• Government (5) (R)
• Harry Potter (7) (R)
• Heaven (16) (R)
• Hell (8) (R)
• Hippie (1) (R)
• History (8) (R)
• Hockey (1) (R)
• Holiday (2) (R)
• Interview (2) (R)
• Job (4) (R)
• Mermaid (1) (R)
• Knock Knock (6) (R)
• Landlord (1) (R)
• LGBT (10) (R)
• Lawyer (58) (R)
• Letter (1) (R)

• Light Bulb (4) (R)
• Little Johnny (22) (R)
• Mailman (1) (R)
• Marriage (53) (R)
• Math (3) (R)
• Medical (29) (R)
• Military (13) (R)
• Money (12) (R)
• Mugger (1) (R)
• Nature (2) (R)
• Nerd (2) (R)
• Newlywed (6) (R)
• Object (4) (R)
• Office (3) (R)
• Old people (26) (R)
• Parrot (1) (R)
• Pharmacy (1) (R)
• Philosophy (2) (R)
• Pirate (3) (R)
• Plumber (1) (R)
• Police (17) (R)
• Political (14) (R)
• Poverty (2) (R)
• Psychology (1) (R)
• Rabbit (1) (R)
• Racist (12) (R)
• Redneck (26) (R)
• Relationship (3) (R)
• Religious (48) (R)
• School (19) (R)
• Sex (151) (R)
• Sexist (2) (R)
• Short (1) (R)
• Situation (1) (R)
• Sports (6) (R)
• Technology (2) (R)
• Television (3) (R)
• Therapist (1) (R)
• Transportation (12) (R)
• Travel (4) (R)
• Trial (2) (R)
• Underwater (2) (R)
• Wedding (5) (R)
• Yo Mama (7) (R)

Joke Categories
Categories are in bold. Click (R) to generate a random joke from that category.
638 jokes and counting

• Animal (43) (R)
• Arabic (4) (R)
• Atheist (6) (R)
• Aviation (15) (R)
• Bar (16) (R)
• Barber (1) (R)
• Baseball (6) (R)
• Birthday (1) (R)
• Blind (6) (R)
• Blonde (88) (R)
• Canadian (3) (R)
• Celebrity (1) (R)
• Cheating (22) (R)
• Chicken (4) (R)
• Children (10) (R)
• College (11) (R)
• Computer (13) (R)
• Construction (2) (R)
• Crime (5) (R)
• Dating (4) (R)
• Death (20) (R)
• Drug (8) (R)
• Drunk (6) (R)
• Farmer (6) (R)
• Fishing (16) (R)
• Food (18) (R)
• Funeral (2) (R)
• Gender (5) (R)
• Genie (3) (R)
• Golf (15) (R)
• Government (5) (R)
• Harry Potter (7) (R)
• Heaven (16) (R)
• Hell (8) (R)
• Hippie (1) (R)
• History (8) (R)
• Hockey (1) (R)
• Holiday (2) (R)
• Interview (2) (R)
• Job (4) (R)
• Mermaid (1) (R)
• Knock Knock (6) (R)
• Landlord (1) (R)
• LGBT (10) (R)
• Lawyer (58) (R)
• Letter (1) (R)

• Light Bulb (4) (R)
• Little Johnny (22) (R)
• Mailman (1) (R)
• Marriage (53) (R)
• Math (3) (R)
• Medical (29) (R)
• Military (13) (R)
• Money (12) (R)
• Mugger (1) (R)
• Nature (2) (R)
• Nerd (2) (R)
• Newlywed (6) (R)
• Object (4) (R)
• Office (3) (R)
• Old people (26) (R)
• Parrot (1) (R)
• Pharmacy (1) (R)
• Philosophy (2) (R)
• Pirate (3) (R)
• Plumber (1) (R)
• Police (17) (R)
• Political (14) (R)
• Poverty (2) (R)
• Psychology (1) (R)
• Rabbit (1) (R)
• Racist (12) (R)
• Redneck (26) (R)
• Relationship (3) (R)
• Religious (48) (R)
• School (19) (R)
• Sex (151) (R)
• Sexist (2) (R)
• Short (1) (R)
• Situation (1) (R)
• Sports (6) (R)
• Technology (2) (R)
• Television (3) (R)
• Therapist (1) (R)
• Transportation (12) (R)
• Travel (4) (R)
• Trial (2) (R)
• Underwater (2) (R)
• Wedding (5) (R)
• Yo Mama (7) (R)

  1. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
  2. Genius does what it must, talent does what it can, and you had best do what you're told.
  3. A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
  4. I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
  5. Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
  6. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
  7. Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
  8. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
  9. Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
  10. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
  11. Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
  12. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  13. A babysitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.
  14. Assassinationg is the extreme form of censorship. -George Bernard Shaw
  15. An archaeologist is someone whose life is in ruins.
  16. An antique is a thing which has been useless for so long that it is still in good condition.
  17. Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers!
  18. What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A pool table.
  19. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
  20. No matter how busy people are, they are never too busy to stop and talk about how busy they are.
  21. There's only one thing worse than feeling inferior, and that's being able to prove it.
  22. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
  23. We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
  24. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
  25. If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
  26. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
  27. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
  28. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
  29. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
  30. I consider "On Time" to be when I get there.
  31. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
  32. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
  33. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
  34. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
  35. God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
  36. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
  37. Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
  38. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
  39. If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, then let's get wasted together and have the time of our lives.
  40. I'll procrastinate later.
  41. I slept like a baby last night.... Waking up every 3 hours crying for food.
  42. Make crime pay. Become a lawyer.
  43. Answering Machine: "Hi! I'm probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave a message. If I don't call back, it's you."
  44. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
  45. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
  46. A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
  47. Middle age is when work is a lot less fun, and fun is a lot more work.
  48. Make love, not war. Hell, do both. Get married.
  49. Life is like a Lambourghini. It goes too fast and it costs too much.
  50. Which is worse, ignorance or apathy? Who knows? Who cares?
  51. When in doubt, mumble.
  52. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
  53. Teamwork gives you someone else to blame.
  54. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
  55. Yoga class is great. You can close your eyes and imagine yourself in a relaxing place. Like on your couch not doing Yoga.
  56. Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
  57. Procrastination has it's good side. You always have something to do tomorrow.
  58. Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push.
  59. The only problem with troubleshooting is, sometimes, trouble shoots back
  60. Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
  61. My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.
  62. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
  63. Constipated people don't give a crap.
  64. A dog who attends a flea circus most likely will steal the whole show.
  65. Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
  66. You live and learn. At any rate, you live.
  67. I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
  68. I don't mind the rat race. But I could do with a little more cheese.
  69. If you were any slower, you'd be going in reverse.
  70. One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
  71. Campers: Nature's way of feeding mosquitoes
  72. Worrying works! 99% of the things I worry about never happen
  73. I get my large circumference from too much pi.
  74. Man is peculiar. He spends a fortune making his home insect-proof and air-conditioned, and then eats in the yard.
  75. Old programmers never die. They just lose their memories.
  76. Sometimes, "I'll get back to you on that" means "I'm going to hide under my desk and hope an idea pops into my head."
  77. When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
  78. My idea of a high stress job is any job where you have to work with other people.
  79. Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time. You won't have a leg to stand on.
  80. Don't steal. That's the government's job.
  81. Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.
  82. Why is it called Alcoholics ANONYMOUS when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Peter and I am an alcoholic'?
  83. I sometimes go to my own little world, but that's okay, they know me there.
  84. I'm in shape. Round is a shape isn't it?
  85. They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
  86. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
  87. Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
  88. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
  89. Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
  90. One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.
  91. My pc's bark is worse than it's byte.
  92. Bumper Sticker: Older, Wiser and Just Generally More Annoying.
  93. If you can't laugh at yourself, make fun of other people.
  94. What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes? A cereal killer
  95. If it's really a supercomputer, how come the bullets don't bounce off when I shoot it?
  96. Caffeine is for people who feel they aren't irritable enough on their own.
  97. I could lend a hand but I prefer to give a finger.
  98. Anyone who says an onion is the only vegetable that will make you cry has never been hit in the face with a pumpkin.
  99. Support your local Search and Rescue Unit. Get lost.
  100. Love at first sight is easy to understand. It's when a couple have been looking at each other for years that it becomes a miracle.
  101. Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
  102. People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
  103. There are two kinds of friends : those who are around when you need them, and those who are around when they need you.
  104. A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognised.
  105. We can't all be heroes. Somebody has to sit on the sidelines and clap as they go by.
  106. Look people I don't like exercise so I'm not going to walk a mile in your shoes. I'll judge you standing right here.
  107. A pessimist is someone who looks at the land of milk and honey and sees only calories and cholesterol.
  108. Sign at the Cash Register: IN GOD WE TRUST All others pay cash.
  109. Don't follow in my footsteps. I walk into a lot of walls.
  110. What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover? A rash of good luck.
  111. Love your enemies. Just in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of jerks.
  112. Some things man was never meant to know. For everything else, there's Google.
  113. Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
  114. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!
  115. There are no personal problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.
  116. Born Free........Taxed to Death.
  117. My neighbor asked if he could use my lawnmower. I told him of course he could, as long as he didn't take it out of my yard.
  118. Life is like a doughnut. You're either in the dough or in the hole.
  119. A candidate is someone who gets money from the rich and votes from the poor to protect them from each other.
  120. An egotist is someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
  121. Your gene pool could use a little chlorine.
  122. Without ME, it's just AWESO.
  123. The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
  124. If the economy is slowing down, how come it's so hard for me to keep up with it?
  125. No wonder newborn babies cry. They've got nothing to eat, no clothes and they already owe the government money.
  126. You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.
  127. You should work eight hours, play eight hours and sleep eight hours. But not the same eight hours.
  128. One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
  129. Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
  130. I'm not myself today. Maybe I'm you.
  131. Conference, n. The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
  132. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
  133. My biggest problem with the younger generation is I'm not in it.
  134. My girlfriend said she wanted me to be more like her Ex. So I dumped her.
  135. Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
  136. Some open minds should be closed for repairs.
  137. If you need space then work at NASA.
  138. Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.
  139. It's okay to let your mind go blank; but please turn off the sound.
  140. If at first you don't succeed, buy her another beer.
  141. Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective.
  142. I don't love salsa dancing. I love salsa just the way it is.
  143. A dollar saved is a dime earned. The rest is taxes.
  144. Why do doctors call what they do "practice?"
  145. You know that feeling you get after a really rewarding day at work? Could you describe it for the rest of us?
  146. The best measure of someone's honesty is the zero adjust on their bathroom scale.
  147. Mail your packages early so the Post Office has time to lose them before Christmas.
  148. I've tried a lot of diets. But my body keeps rejecting them.
  149. Christmas trees are like men. They don't look as good once you get them home.
  150. My love life is like a fairy tale—it's grim.
  151. So, this 'One Laptop Per Child' thing. Where do I drop off the child and where do I pick up the laptop?
  152. The best way to succeed in life is to start from scratch and keep scratching.
  153. Every once in a brownish-purple moon, I worry that I might be colorblind.
  154. I'm beginning to think that if opportunity ever does knock, it'll be because it has to use my bathroom.
  155. Use the best: Linux for servers, Mac for graphics and Windows for solitaire.
  156. Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you.
  157. Television is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
  158. When I asked you for a flower, you gave me a garden... When I asked you for a stone, you gave me a statue... What are you... deaf?
  159. Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.
  160. Judge: Silence in the court! The next person who shouts will be thrown out. Prisoner: Hallelujah!